I have felt especially quiet these past few months. I can’t really explain it, but I’ve felt more introspective- like I needed to gather my thoughts and give my ideas and dreams a little breathing room before taking any action. For me this is a welcome change as I’ve always been one to jump before looking.
I guess something shifted a few months ago in the middle of winter. I was juggling working full-time and taking two college classes. I knew deep down that I had (once again) followed my fears instead of my heart and landed myself into a (to put it dramatically to make a point) world of pain. I have walked this road so many other times. Not only in regards to college, but just in general following my fears. Something about this time was different though. Maybe it was finally tiring of a five year up and down struggle with my college/career journey, or maybe it was just finally learning, but I knew I could not keep following my fears. So on a cold, dark February night, I finally surrendered to my heart. With guidance from above and a knot of anxiety in my stomach, I knew what I had to do. The next day I dropped my classes.
It was one of the most scary and liberating things I’ve ever done. For one, to finally, after years of struggling stand up and say, “This is not for me and I’m going to own it” has opened my heart in countless ways. Even though I always knew deep down that college wasn’t my path I tried (really hard) to do what I thought I “should”. I’ve learned how life, and all the people who truly love me, unconditionally support me no matter what but especially when I am being true to myself. I’ve learned that it is my life and sometimes that means doing the hard thing and taking a less traveled path. That no one is going to come down from the sky and wave their magic wand and “fix” it, it is my job.
My dream for a couple of years now has been to open an Etsy shop and sell my artwork; to be an Artist. So even though I don’t know what I’m doing yet and I can only manage baby steps right now, it is happening.